When all the kings horses and all the kings men can't put your heart back together again, call on the King of Kings and LORD or Lords!!!

They last two days have been better, but still tough. J and I did not go to Foster care classes yesterday, I still wasn't feeling up to par. Tyler's birthday party was yesterday afternoon, so we went over to Tracie's and did that. Mom, Terri and the kids came and it was so nice to see them. They are pretty sad for me. Mom said this whole last week didn't feel real. I feel the same way while all in the same it feels too real. Terri said Erika was really concerned about me. She was very sweet to me. I got a little sad last night and cried. I worked on some hermeneutics homework and memorized some scripture for personal evangelism. It kept me busy and will help to reduce my stress level this week. I am really enjoying school and I am so thankful for the opportunity to go back. I wish I got to go everyday. J and I went to Hillcrest this morning and it was good. I cried alot though. A lady walked by with a newborn baby and I thought, "That would have been me in September..." then to top that off during welcome the lady and her husband in front of me turns around to shake my hand and she was prego. I lost it. I tried to fight the tears. I went to the restroom, asked God to give me strength and went back into service. I am at peace with God's decision, but It still makes me oh so sad. I guess it will just take some time. I am trying to work through my grief and I think I am going to see Ms. Sue(One of the counseling profs at the college who offers counseling to the students) next week if I can. I think it would help to talk to someone objectively. I really hate that this has impacted my family so greatly. Tracie called tonight to see if she could do anything. I told her to pray. I know that people have been praying for me, that is the only way I can sit her today and be OK with the good LORD's decision. Well, I better go. I have to work tomorrow, but I am sure it will be a good day. I cant wait to get back to school, and to get back to life. I am so ready for all of this to be over. It hurts so much.