Our ways are not as high as his...

So much is going on with life. I started school yesterday and also found out the greatest news: I am pregnant. I had three home pregnancy tests come back positve both Monday night and Sunday morning, so I had the blood test done yesterday morning. I waited all day for the news, but as soon as I heard the nurse's voice, I knew something wasnt quite right. She told me I was pregnant, but she warned me not to get too excited, that my hormone levels were dangerously low, and I was looking at an impending miscarriage. I cannot begin to explain the feeling I had. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and thrown upon the ground. I called Jeremy and it took five minutes for him to be able to understand me I was crying so badly. He could not believe what he was hearing: our greatest hope coming true, only to be taken back. I was still in Graceville, so I found my old roomie(and best friend) Cassie and cried and cried and cried. It all seems like a blur. Then I called my family. Terri and mom cried, the kids got upset. Tracie was in disbelief. Dad tried so hard to be postive. I came home and the evening was quite sober, much like waiting around for a funeral. I cried a little, prayed a little, and did it all over again. J and I went to walmart to get him some long Johns and we ran into his parents. We told them what was going on and they were blown away. I got some much needed sleep last night and then this morning I woke up bleeding, and I knew what had happened. I called mom and Terri and the Doctor and waited. They confirmed the miscarriage and told me they would like for me to come in for labs tomorrow. I didnt work today, and J sayed home with me. Right now, I am just sitting here, not knowing what to do next. I cant do anything without crying. I have class tomorrow, work at the daycare friday. How do I go to school tomorrow and act like nothing happened? And if I do tell people what happened, I dont want to face them. And the daycare? How am I going to go over there and love on other people's babies??? The pain just seems so great. I know that God is in control and that he is soverign and perfect for everyhting that he does. I know that this is part of his plan, and one day I will understand. God gave Jeremy and I that baby, even though it was so very tiny, it is rightfully his baby to take back. I know that one day I will meet that baby in heaven. I feel so silly for being so upset over a pregnancy that had barely just begun, but it hurts so bad, worse than any other pain I have ever felt. My ways are not as high as his and I cannot begin to understand. I just trust that he knows what is best for me and for Jeremy and for whatever little one(s) he decides to bless us with.