Sometimes he calms the storm, and other times he calms his child.

It was hard to open my eyes yesterday morning when J called my name. I knew that if I would just lay there a little bit longer that maybe I would really wake up and this nightmare would all be over. That was wishful thinking though. I was still in alot of pain so I took some medicine and got ready for school. I cried alot. I sought GOD alot on the drive to school. I cried, prayed, and lifted my voice up to my savior. I pulled it together before I got to school and I was able to make it through my first class with out crying. I went to Dothan and got my blood work done. That was so hard, to sit there, knowing that just two days before I was so excited to sit in that chair and find out about my little one. I cried going back to Graceville, but then I heard a song. They lyrics so inspired me and my situation. It was as if God was speaking right to me.

All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place

I have known throughout this whole experience that God was in this and that he would make things right in the end. I am not about to sit here and lie to you and tell you that I am not in pain. I am in the worst pain both emotionally and physically that I think I have ever felt, but Jesus Christ did not die so that I could stay in this place forever. I will get over this, I will move on, and every day that I cling to him and his promises, the pain lessens and little more and a little more. I shared with my PSY 302 class (parenting) what was going on so that they could pray over me. I was given the opportunity to share what was happening, how it was making me feel, and most of all how God was working in my life through this experience. Dr. Burns and much of the class cried as I shared about our need for a child and how faithful God had been to us because we had obeyed him. Dr. Burns thanked me for sharing my experience, that it had been a blessing to them. He said it will help all of us in the counseling ministry to better understand the feelings and emotions behind miscarriage. I wish I could sit and write all the blessings God has bestowed on me in the last two days, but I would need hours and hours to do so. He never stops amazing me and he most def. never stops loving me. Jeremy is doing ok through all of this, I think it hurts him almost as much as it does me. This week has not been fun, and I do not understand what God's purpose is, I do understand that sometimes he lets us go things to grow us. I am not afraid though, After all, if he brings you to it, he will bring you through it!
I am still in alot of pain today, and I am just trying to take it easy. I did have to work, but I haven't been lifting anyone and I am just sitting around more or less. It did me good to come and see these little ones. They all drew cards for me that say get well soon. It was so sweet. I have to go back for one more round of blood work on Thursday, just to make sure that I don't get infection or anything. J and I went to revival meeting at Straight Paths last night and really enjoyed it. I miss everyone so much. J says he still feels hesitation in his spirit though, so we are praying through that and trying to discern what is making him feel that way. Mom and Terri are coming this weekend for Tyler's birthday and I am looking forward to seeing them. God is so good, all the time. :)