Well, its getting a little bit easier, but most def. still difficult. I had a pretty good week at school, but I still feel really sad on the inside. Lonely really. I never felt my sweet little baby kick or anything, but just knowing that he or she was there and now is gone is very hard. I feel empty. Jeremy cant wait to be pregnant again, but I am scared. I know that God is in control, and if he brings me to it, he will bring me through it, but I just dont want the heartache of this happening again. God, please be with me. I stayed in Graceville on Thursday evening with Cassie and Kaylie and I had fun. It was good to be with Cassie again, kinda like when we were roomies :-) I had my first AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors) meeting on Friday. Amy, an old friend who graduated two years ago, was our guest speaker. Before the meeting started, she handed out these little pamphlets that had this little baby in the womb on the front. There was a lapel pin on the front that had two little feet on it. Under the pin it said "this pin is the exact size and shape of a 10 week pregnancy baby's feet." The meeting hadnt even started, I am sure she was going to speak on abortion, but I quickly left. The tears began pouring down my face before I could even get out of the building. I felt the pain all over again. It was terrible. I saw the school councelor on Thursday and she encouraged me to continue to grieve, even if that meant crying. I was about 25-35 days pregnant. This is what is said about my baby at the time that I lost him or her.
"By 25 days from fertilization the body is developing. Head and trunk appear and tiny arm buds begin to form, followed by leg buds. The early embryo seems to have a "tail", but this is really a protective covering for the spinal cord. Because the central nervous system (brain. spine and spinal cord) is so important, governing sensory and motor functions, the embryo's body is designed for rapid growth of head and back.
By 21 to 25 days the baby's heart is beating. Other internal organs are present in simple form and functioning as they grow. Early facial features appear. The doctor who performed the first-ever blood transfusion to an unborn baby has described the embryo at the end of the first month from fertilisation:By 30 days, just two weeks past mother's first missed period, the baby - one quarter of an inch long - has a brain of unmistakable human proportions, eyes, ears, mouth, kidneys, liver, an umbilical cord and a heart pumping blood he has made himself."
I took this from the website www.spuc.org. It was very imformative about babies development and has several arguments against abortion.
Today Jeremy and I had foster care classes and then we came home, I did homework and we took a nap. When we got up we went to the Anderson's home and visited Grandma LeCompte as well. It was a nice time visiting. I am so thankful for the blood of Jesus Christ and the hope that we have in him. I just dont know how I could make it through each and every day without him.
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