Its all the little things...

I thought that it would be the big things about this month that would hurt the most. Newborn babies, pregnant women, baby clothes, etc. But that's not really what hurts. Its the little things that I have noticed. Like today, I was leaving my house and as I walked out my door and down the stairs I noticed all the leaves covering the sidewalk. It hurts because when I found out I was pregnant I knew I would be having him about the time the seasons change. The line from a song called "I still cry" played back in my head, "...and when the leaves start falling down, I'll still cry." It took all I could do not to cry. Then, the children named Jordan that I see everyday. When their parents call their names, it makes me so sad. I feel like I should be calling my Jordyn's name. I don't feel at all like I imagined I would feel. The pain feels more numbed, dull and aching. Not so sharp and stabbing anymore. I will never get over Jordyn. He will always be my baby, but I know It will continue to get easier. To be honest, I am doing alot better than I thought I would be doing. I am so thankful that God heals out hearts and mends the brokenness in our lives. I know that one day the things that hurt so bad wont hurt anymore. "He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair!"

I am subbing for the first time tomorrow. I am so excited and scared! I am going to be subbing for Haley Davidson's 2nd grade class over at Rucker Blvd Elementary. :-)

"You Must Walk Through the Valley To Stand Upon the Mountian of God"

This week, wow. Its been the worst in a while, but I know alot of it really was just my attitude. Things in all aspects of my life seem to be out of control, but I know I have not been doing my part either. So, anyway. I know next week will be better, becasue I am going to make sure of it. I ended up losing my job bc of funding. I really hate that bc I love those babies so much, but I know God never closes a door without opening a window. I am sure he has something else out there for me, if he desires for me to work. Its hard not to worry about finainces, especially in this economy, but we must remember that it is God's money, He created it, and He knows what he is doing!!!!! But, we have to do our part. So, I am trying to stay away from Walmart & Sonic! lol!

I am going to be working with the Toddlers tomorrow at Church. I had the nursery last week at church, and it wasnt my turn this week, but I just cant go into the sanctuary and worship knowing that there is a need like that. I am really looking forward to spending time with them! :-) Jeremy's best friend Glenn is coming! I am really glad. he just moved back from Auburn and is looking for a Church home. I hope HighPointe can be that for him if thats what God desires! God is really doing some awesome things at HighPointe and I am so thankful to God for allowing us to be a part of that! He truely is awesome!!!!

Jeremy is trying to teach me how to play bass. I really want to learn, I am just not very good at it. He is a great teacher though, so patient, so I know I will get it eventually! well, I am going to get off of here. Those are all of my thoughts for now! :-)

Me and my first bass lesson! :-)

The pain is real even if nobody knows...

I haven't blogged in a while because of some stuff going on in my family that I cant really talk about yet. I can tell you though that I need lots of prayer in order to deal with this. It wasn't anything done to me, but it still hurts immensely. I know God will give me the strength to deal with it, but right now its very hard.

Saturday, several of us from church all went to the beach in honor of a few of the ladies' birthdays. It was a blast. We laid on the beach and swam in the ocean for a little bit and then we went back to the resort pool and swam. It was really really nice. After that, we got ready and went and ate at this place called Caroba's. It was an Italian restaurant, but they actually had food that I could eat. I got this chicken soup and it was actually really good. After we ate, the other 4 ladies went shopping and Tonya and I went to meet up with Terri and Mom and the rest of the fam. at their hotel. I am so glad I got to see them for a little bit. I am really going to miss just riding down for the day to see them. Now its a 4 hour trip.

Everything seems so overwhelming to me in the last few days. I had a break down in walmart yesterday over what kind of laundry detergent to buy!!!!!! How retarded is that??? I know that is not why I was upset, but it just seems like decisions of any sort here lately just upset me so bad. So i just cried in the middle of walmart. lol. Not me at all.

well, those are all the thoughts I have for today. Not much, but that's whats going on in my life lately!